Things are still moving forward with the new interest.  The more time I spend with him the more comfortable I feel of which is the logical state of things...It's not as often that I pinch myself wondering if "this" is real. 

I have completed my Bachelors of Business Administration.  I intend to wait a bit before going on for a Masters.  I have begun to wonder if "Higher Education" is actually worth it. 

I hope to find a job where the people around me are as dedicated to getting the job done right (although 'right' is debatable; i'd take being in the same ocean or book let alone same boat or page) I want to enjoy my job and it is really hard to do when surrounded by negativity i.e., not my job, why should I do it, so and so doesn't.  ... ...

Anyway.

looking forward to up and coming changes and the continual attempt to face them with grace.

Cindy,

your hazel eyes.
your tender smile.
your hair with glare.
that makes me declare;
I am the luckiest guy
in front of your life.
I want to reach for the stars
on the brightest night
my feelings are at race,
when I see your face.
Your sweet spirit
talks to my ear, and
my heart tells me
the future is already here.
                 

                               With Love,
                                     R.  4-5-12

Isn't that just the sweetest!
I'm not sure how I got so lucky, but everyday I am thankful. 

So many of us have come to know that change is the only thing that is consistent and I would love to know who is first credited for speaking that thought.  If given enough time one can come to this conclusion on their own.  I believe it to be one of the obvious sentiments of life. 

I have finally let go of the idea of having faith in someone who doesn't have faith in me.  In a manner of speaking.  I have given up hope on the idea of Texas.  Somewhere in this journey I knew that I deserved someone who could express their interest in having a relationship with me.  It has taken some time for me to admit to myself (although it should have been obvious) that I am the kind of person who wants to be in a relationship. 

I hope for a mutually fulfilling situation. 

I have met someone who has had the courage to express his interest.  It has been three days and he has called me everyday.  Thus far I am excited to get to know him and look forward to the possibilities. 

At the moment that is all I am going to speak about or place hope in.  I am having trust that universe knows what is best for this situation and I'm gonna roll with it.   

I woke up in quite the mood today.  I spent far too much time yesterday reading/watching youtube videos about twin flames.  It basically states that some people have a twin soul.  One soul that split in order to gain a wider understanding of existence.  The nature of the split causes them to long for wholeness and the search then begins to find one another again. 

I have also been reading/watching information about Buddha and of course this has lead to information about compassion. 

Ironically enough I thought I was relatively compassionate but this morning I believe that my compassion was being tested and I pretty much failed.  Of which in order to be compassionate with myself I have to forgive myself for failing.  This I can do and I am not worried about that. 

It just strikes me that I challenged my paradigm and only feel frustrated about it.  Makes me wonder about how strong the ego really is. 

St. Patties day... wonder why I dreamt of a viking giant. 

I was standing in line to order food.  A man behind me proceeds to approach me and I think to myself, what the hell, why not.  The thing is he had to be 7, 8 or who knows 10 feet tall.  I climbed up on his shoulders while we waited for our turn in the line.  He orders a sandwich and pizza I say make that two sandwiches.  The next thing I know is we are heading to his house.  I can see my car in the distance off to the right and think to myself alright should I need to get out of here I'll head straight for it.  As we approach his place it is actually a boat.  

We are aboard the boat and he makes a sexual innuendo and I feel a moment of panic when I feel resistance because I am still hung up on a certain Texan.  I start pacing and walk to the edge of the boat and think to myself, well if you wanted to actually get off the boat how will you as we are on land and being it's a giants boat that is an awfully long jump. 

I think to myself well I'll just tell him what I am going through.  I am fearful as being a giant he was perfectly capable of hurting Kevin should he be offended by his behavior.  I look at the viking and say.  I'm having a hard time because of how I feel about this guy.... blah blah blah... I wake up.     

The other night I dreamt that I had taken my best friend and her husband to visit a friend and his new girlfriend.  We were all sitting around chatting and the new girlfriend says to me that she found this machine at a yard sale and if I wanted she would sell it to me for $25.  I didn't really want the machine but also did not want to offend her so I went to my car to get my purse.  On my way out who I assume was her mother stopped me and asked "and who is that" when I turned around my friends were no longer the adults they physically are but children.  I asked her do you mean the boy or girl.  She is my best friend and that is her husband.  She says to me 'they are good people'.  I return with money and am looking at the machine.  There is a metal plate that is engraved on it and upon further inspection it is engraved with my name (although it is what my married name was).  I think to myself where did this come from and it's mine to begin with. Why am I going to pay for its return.  The machine is some type of locksmith machine and enable one to change locks. 

The dream shifts and I am driving.  Its dark and none of the street lamps are working.  I realize that I have missed my turn and wonder when the 'city' will ever get the lights figured out and decide to take the next turn. I am no longer driving but walking and the city is now an older western style setting.  I'm walking down the boardwalk and turn into this house.  It's my sisters house and upon entering I notice that everyone in the family has the same haircut.  I make fun of my bother in law as he looks kind of silly with what I'll call a Cleopatra cut.  He says something about the old buzz cut was getting kind of boring.  I mention I must attend to nature and walk down to the basement to go to the bathroom.  Dreams being dreams the area is not a standard bathroom but I do take care of business without too much conflict.

Upon my return up the stairs the newest addition to the family, a puppy, comes bounding down the stairs.  She zooms past me and recognizes me and turns around to greet me.  I think to myself this must mean that my cousin has arrived.  Sure enough as I reach the top of the stairs I turn and she is at the table intently writing something. 

I wake up. 

Aside from normal dream scape antics the most interesting part of the dream to me is the key/lock machine.  Conversation with others about the dream offered suggestions that change is coming and that I have had the keys to changing my life for some time but repressed the ability.

can't help but giggle...

Here is your horoscope for today
Sunday, March 11, 2012

Today, you're deeply in touch with the things that matter to you most, and a lot of emotions are coming up. Don't be surprised if there's a lump in your throat and tears in your eyes as you think about someone you love. Trust that they love you, too, just as fiercely. Even your connection with people long gone, either because they've moved away or passed on, is strong. Revel in these spirit bonds.

So I can blame my tears on my horiblescope...and here i thought it was due to hormones and repressed emotions...

So I had this dream yesterday morning/afternoon. 

I was in a basement and chatting with someone whom at one point I was mildly interested in.  My mom was there too.  He goes to shower and his phone rings.  Out of curiosity I look at the caller ID and it says St. Croix... I don't think it was spelled like that but dream scape is funky like that.

I was also working with clay or something malleable while I was waiting. 

I wish I could remember other details but alas I cannot at this point.

Reminds me of a time when I came across something about Seychelles and investigated that too.  Makes me wonder if I should be figuring out how to get to the islands. 

The day before I had a dream about Matt... normal activities of daily living type of dream he was going to work, gave him a kiss goodbye...

Today was watching tv and kept trying to cry.... lots of different thoughts but mostly associated with Kevin and my inability to stop taking a rose colored view of the situation.  I shouldn't say inability as it gets easier when I tell myself he is just an insecure jerk.  Seems to be the only way to make myself let go.

On a brighter note I have two classes left and I'll have my bachelors.  Employee Motivation and my capstone class.  I'll be done with school in May.  I am excited about that.  Scared about the changes that it will bring. 

If I really set myself to finding a job that pays my worth; I foresee having to move.  Just nervous about that as I have always lived in the same area.  Really it is more about moving on my own. 

I just don't know.  Trying not to put too much pressure on myself and just stay focused on completing school.  We'll see what opportunities arise then. 

Yesterday was my birthday. 

Something's changed. 

*I really hate it when Xanga thinks I clicked save changes and I haven't yet.*

I was reviewing my site a bit.  It seems that I have been talking about having trust issues for a long time.  Recently I have tried to take action instead of thinking/talking about it.  Only the goddess knows what may come of this. 

Perhaps another year helped ease the trepidation I felt?  

All I can say is that I am looking forward to something different.